How I Got My Life Back Part II

When I decided to get my life back, I felt like I had painted myself into a corner. Guess what I learned? The paint eventually dries. And I could walk away.

In my last blog, I asked you these 5 questions:

1. Am I overwhelmed by work? Why?

2. Is my husband driving me crazy? In what way?

3. Do I feel put upon by everyone I know? Why?

4. Am I chasing money because there never is enough? Why is there never enough?

5. Are my kids exhausting me? What are they doing that exhausts you?

I sincerely hope you answered these questions for yourself. Writing the answers down will give you clarity. Let me answer the questions when I asked them to myself. See if you can identify or if your reasons were totally different.

Was I overwhelmed by work? Definitely. After being in the same self-employed business for more than 40 years I was tired and sick of it. Mostly. I cared so much for other people and the way they were treated, that I forgot about taking care of myself. I loved the work but I didn't like the job anymore. Does that make sense?

My husband was driving me crazy. Things that we used to agree on we no longer did. Things that used to be fun to do together were no longer fun. Why as a society do we think that people don't change over time? We do. We have different experiences that can change how we think and act.

This was my fault but I couldn't find a way to walk it back. For years, I enabled people in my life. There were two reasons for this. Number one is that I thought I could do it better than anyone else so I did it without giving others a chance. Number two there were things that others didn't feel comfortable doing so I did it for them. In doing so, I stunted their growth. And caused me stress and eventually resentment.

There is a back story to this one. If someday you are interested, I will tell you. For now, know that I chased money all of my life. I made good money but unfortunately, I was also a very good spender. And too often I spent the money before I made it. It was in my "pipeline" but not in my hand. Consequently, there was never enough.

I have only one daughter. She was grown when I started this journey she was not exhausting me.

Recently, I heard a story about Bob and Jane (not their real names). They had lived together for 11 years in his house and had often talked about marriage. He worked on Wall Street and made a boatload of money. Through a series of complicated circumstances, she was fired from her job and Bob told her to just stay home and that if a job came along she could take it.

Bob learned he had testicular cancer. It was successfully removed and treated with chemo just to be sure. Eighteen months later he was given a clean bill of health.

In honor of his successful bout with cancer, he and Jane hosted a celebration party to honor him being a cancer survivor. Many people attended. During the party, Bob got up to thank everyone for their help during his difficult time. He was ready to thank Jane and surprise her with a marriage proposal when a tragic accident happened. A friend of his at the party tripped, fell, hit his head on the edge of a granite table, and died.

Bob took the death of his friend very hard. Coupled with his recent cancer scare he reassessed his life.

A couple of weeks later Bob and Jane went to dinner. Jane was expecting Bob to propose to her. Instead, he broke up with her and told her to move out. He quit his Wall Street job and put his house on the market. The house was only in his name. He told her he was going to Alaska. He was going to Denali National Park and tent camp for 3 months.

As the story goes, all the friends and family felt sorrow for Jane and were mad at Bob.

When I listened to the story I, too, felt bad for Jane. She was very hurt. But I wanted to look at the situation from Bob's point of view.

Here was a man with a very stressful high-paying job on Wall Street. Jane had once had a great job with prestige but was fired. When this happened he told her to just stay home until something else came along. She looked for lots of jobs but because of the scandal over her last job, she was unable to find a job. Over time he began to lose respect for her.

He was overwhelmed at work, Jane was getting on his nerves, and he was the sole breadwinner and began to resent Jane. Even though he made plenty of money it wasn't worth the stress. Everyone expected him to do everything.

Sound familiar?

Bob's answer was to leave his old life and build a new one.

This may seem blunt and very hurtful. And it probably was.

When you are faced with the fact that this is your life and you only have one life to live, what would you do?

This is only a story but it is the subject matter of our blog. How To Get Your Life Back.

People tell me that I am brave because I am not afraid to stay all alone in desolate places. I think my real bravery was to change my circumstances so I could live my best life.

Next week we are going to talk about some solutions. Hang onto your hat!!

Thanks for joining us on this journey.

Pam and Coco

Boondock and Beyond