Van Life Identity Crisis

As a solo female vanlifer who had always lived within other people's lives, when I hit the road all of sudden it was only me and I didn't know who I was.

I was living with someone I didn't know. Yikes! Stranger Danger!!

Starting at the beginning takes a long time especially if you are as old as dirt like I am.

Just being honest here. One of the first things I realized was that my name had been taken away from me when I got married. I am not blaming anyone for that because it was the way of the world back then but it was the beginning of stripping away who I was.

When I realized that, I began using my maiden name on a few things. Pam Pickering. It felt good. It took me to a place I could say "that's me". I've thought about changing my name back to Pickering so I could say, hey this is me. This is who I am!!

I was an enabler. I was the go-to person. I made the decisions. Sometimes when I was up to my eyeballs with everything I would shout "I am not the social director!" But I was. I had never set any boundaries. The only thing I knew about boundaries were property survey lines.

Now I lived in a 22' van with this stranger!

Truth be told when I moved into my van I was running away from home like a teenager on a rant.

Now I was stripping away all of the things that weren't Pam Pickering and bringing out the real me like opening a present at Christmas.

This stranger and I faced off like two boxe

rs in the ring. The old fighting the new. I feared (or was I hoping?) one of us was going to lie face down in the ring.

Getting to know yourself can be a scary thing. When you live alone iEn a van with no one you know anywhere near you, it is pretty hard to escape yourself.

Here are some things that I did. Maybe these can help you, too.

Taking Responsibility For Who I Had Become

It is pretty easy to play the blame game. I am like this because someone did this or that. Or I never could get a good job because (fill in the blank).

I had lots of those but the bottom line was they were all decisions that I had make either intentionally or unintentionally. I learned I was where I was because of decisions I had made.

Sometimes things happen to us that we can't control. What we can control is how we react to the situation.

I don't have a very big mirror in my van but when I looked at myself I wasn't getting positive vibes. Time to take the bull by the horns and change things!

I did.

I On Purpose Isolated Myself

At the beginning it was pretty dramatic. I wouldn't let anyone track my phone and the closest I would come to telling anyone where I was located was by telling them the state I was in.

The reason I did this is so there would be no 'chatter'. Nothing to distract me from getting to know this stranger. This was my way of setting boundaries.

If you think this is easy you are sadly mistaken. And maybe that is why some people give up on getting to know themselves. There can be some pretty messy things to wade through. Better bring your rubber boots!

I Took The Time To Look At Things From A Different Angle

Here is a simple example. Then I started doing it on everything.

Y'all know about Road Rage. If someone pulled in front of me I knew where the horn was and which finger could cause the most damage. I could swear like a trucker, too.

Think about this. Why did they pull in front of me? Maybe they were late to pick up their 12 year old from basketball practice. Maybe they were on the way to the hospital because a loved one had just been in an accident. Or maybe they were just a plain ole' a$$hole.

Whatever the reason, was it worth me getting all worked up? No. I learned to chill. I was in charge of my decision. Felt sooooo good.

I Slowed My Brain Down

That's not to say my brain doesn't have plaque on it (another story) but I intentionally slowed it down.

Instead of trying to multi-task (which is about as useful as an empty shoe rack) I deliberately paid attention to what I was doing.

I thought about each thing I was doing and WHY I was doing it. The answer to the WHY brought on some big life lessons.

These are some very short simple ideas that I used. It didn't happen overnight!! It has taken 3 years to get where I am today.

The great news for me (could this be for you, too?) is that I like myself! Sometimes I call myself bad names and smack myself upside the head but that can be expected. I left that stranger behind in a ditch somewhere in the US like a flattened basketball!

My identity crisis is over. I know who I am and I know I am in charge of my decisions, good or bad!

Off the Grid

Pam and Coco

boondockandbeyond.com

Fun Product Of The Day

My daughter got one of these for me for Christmas and if you have a dog or two it is a must!

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